I Am a Victim

Many who read, “What Destroys You From You”, felt I shared too little of an event that took place in my life and some couldn’t decipher what really occurred. So I decided to revisit the topic and explain my perspective further.

Of course sharing the post was tough, however believing it was necessary to deliver for the greater good of inspiring, encouraging, or influencing another victim was worth it. Trusting myself to let go of all fear that grabbed ahold of me since the beginning of last year (2015), and instead share why being silent of any traumatic experience is unacceptable.

Specifically physical abuse/domestic violence, where we view the results of why by force losing your power and authority eventually gives you the upper hand receiving more glory than ever before. Whether a victim of a one-time or multiple incident(s), it happened regardless. And the moment it does, words become obsolete filled with crying screams, tears become rivers of hope for the circumstance to end, time stands still and the desire to escape your whereabouts becomes your very last wish.

It was unexpected and to think I deserved it, I knew I didn’t, but mentally I told myself I did? God, the hits were hard! I am astounded how I managed to take every single one of them, but I did.

Experiencing this hands-on was so surreal. Looking at my reflection through the mirror after the incident, I saw two blood-shot red eyes and face with bruises. I began replaying over and over and over again every single scream, begging for it all to stop, and always broke down crying. Thankfully an angel helped me leave the incident after all calmed down and traveled me afar off to a more peaceful environment. While waiting over an hour in the emergency room, I hated it. It wasn't where I intended to be, especially being asked, "Ms. King will you be pressing charges?"...As the incident took place a week before another semester, which was ridiculous, sitting in class was rough and I often found myself standing on the steps crying because mentally I was so damaged...

Knowing I needed help was my biggest issue because I didn’t speak up. I assured myself no one absolutely no one would understand my thoughts. In fact, some of my best friends and family members are still unaware. Due to the fact I understand many can’t handle reality plus it wasn’t for all to know until I could speak of my experience with confidence.  

Now looking through photos from that year, I realized how much I’ve changed. From cutting my hair drastically and changing its color, I also noticed that I kept on smiling. As sad as it is, I somehow found strength to take selfies with my smacked face and all. For more than a year, time has healed and I forgave the person who lashed out irrationally. I firmly believe no matter what I did prior to the beating, I didn’t deserve it. 

To you reading this, whether you know someone or not who has experienced domestic violence, reach out to them and share your love. Thankfully I never had thoughts of suicide, but another victim might. My traumatic experience isn’t shared to make you feel bad for me, because it’s not necessary and not my intention. I share this confidently knowing my readers will respect how impactful domestic violence can be at any age and how LEGIT a victim can be damaged, mentally or physically.

And all victims I encourage you to speak up. Do not play Russian roulette with your very own thoughts thinking you got this on your own. Speak up!

 

Xoxo! 

Xiao Mei 

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